I've blown a few things in my day
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
