she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
