When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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