The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
