Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're a waste of cheezeits
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh god it's open bar.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
