I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis