I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
