He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
