; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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