Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I FOUND THE LEGS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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