Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
