Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You pole danced in your parka.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
