this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
