It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Floor bacon is actually really good
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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