I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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