She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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