made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
