I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
