The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dear god my vagina.
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