I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
