you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
