I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
