Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
