the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
