Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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