anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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