u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
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3pm strippers are depressing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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