Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
