apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
