Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
