They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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