..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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