sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
