i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
