He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
