Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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