I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
