His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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