Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
