Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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