I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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