Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
