I should be sponsored by Trojan
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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