i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
