Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize