Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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