Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
