I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
