so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
