my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
