I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
