I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i believe in u and ur pee
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
