hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
