It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
