I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
