im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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