I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
They have beer where we have blood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
