i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
