Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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