there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
