she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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