remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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