She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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