Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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