John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
