Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
