your parents love me but you hate me
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
