Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
