she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
