Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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