He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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