my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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