why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
