Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
