I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
