And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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