I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
zippers are such a cool invention
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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