I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
