No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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