a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
P.S. I can't hear my feet
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
