I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
