I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My life is pants optional.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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