Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
