There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
