Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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