brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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