My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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