Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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