how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
